Forget?

I try to forget you, I tried not talking to you or having any contact with you....yet you just keep showing up in my life. How can I eliminate the contact between us...or at least sever my hopes of having a relationship with you. Call me foolish, but somehow I still believe there a chance for us but your interest in me seems nonexistent. How can I move on, you are like a drug to me because each time I try to leave...somehow you just keep coming back. All I can do is improve myself...but how long can I keep my motivation from running out without you by my side?

maybe I should just stop caring and focus on my exams....but somehow my intuition tells me I still long for you and what we could have been.

Today

Today my day was spent with a good friend whom I could really talk to. I guess I poured my grievances out in our discussion and because of that my stress level has plummeted like an anchor. Although I do not know what she is thinking for sure, some thinks I can tell because of our talks. She seems to no longer trust me, she seems to hate me or disgust me. I do not know how to comprehend the situation, it is something I can't and never will be able to learn in school. She likes me friend, plain and obvious and while I admitted that when she is happy, I am happy....somewhere deep in my heart I know that it is not true. I know I am lying to myself in order to hate her, despise her. I guess that is my way of forgetting about her and although she gives me happiness I cannot bring it to her. I hope that she could give me one last chance, one last LEGITIMATE chance where she where she is not interested in my friend.

I know that I am shy, I know that you know I am shy. So why can't I overcome this obstacle to be with you? I ask myself this question over and over, each time I come up with the same disappointing conclusion. I see you slipping away yet I do not have the balls to take you back. Please, please....come back to me

No Words

No words can express my feelings towards you now, I think it is actually more than words can begin to describe. The emotions which flow through my mind and soul cannot be expressed through some insignificant words. You are trying to go for my friend? Please, if you do not like me just tell me and let me be, but seriously you do NOT go for my friends. That would only put our friendship to the test. It has happened before and the results are still being seen today. We have lost half our group of people and you will NOT do it again.

My feelings for you I admit have made my mood sway between many emotions. It sort of makes me almost unstable because I have no experience in this region. But one thing I know is that there are rules and rules are set pretty clearly. In addition, my feelings are being hurt as a side product to your devious acts. Please just let me go or give me an answer such that we can come to a clear conclusion. Please, I beg you do not drag on my emotions any further, I am afraid it might collapse under the pressure of my sadness.

My language is a form of my communications because I am too shy to tell you how I feel. Each step I take is in the shadows where no one looks. Because of this handicap that I have been given, the things I do for you never seem direct or maybe they have lost the meaning along their way to you. I guess nothing I can do can mend the situation because it has escalated too far away from sanity to be understood.

Truth

I guess the you can say that the truth hurts a tiny bit. My friend told me that me and her, truthfully have very little in common. She is in another world compared to me, how would she could she ever show me to her friends. All things said and done, I guess that we are still good friends but in terms of a relationship I do not think it can happen. Well, I cannot say it will NEVER be able to happen, but at the moment it will not be possible.

From this experience I took away the fact that I am far too shy a person. However, my shyness is situational because around my friends whom I feel comfortable with I am not shy at all. Probably even one of the loudest and enthusiastic. But around girls whom I am NOT used to, is like I try to ignore them because deep inside I know I cannot handle the pressure of talking to her, such that making her go away would solve my problems. NO, that is not how it is supposed to be! In my time at the moment, it is supposed to be a time where we connect with many many people!

I think I will get a job where I can talk with more people and build up my confidence because only then can I meet a girl that I like, and actually be able to show her my feelings.

The End?

I know I messed up, everyone did not go as planned...like at this very moment I feel very bad. I really want to show you how much I like you but every time I am I talk to you a choke. It is as if ALL the words I know how to say fly away. I just wish you could read my mind, but obviously that is not possible.

Everyone makes fun of me in front of you. Is it truly impossible for us to be together? Our personalities I admit are so different but somewhere deep inside my heart I just cannot forget about you. But it is just so hard to talk with you, and somehow my insecurities and lack of confidence is making us drift farther and farther away. Its my fault completely. Why must I endure this pain on my birthday, I should be happy but I cannot be happy because you aren't. I can see you are not happy with my or happy in general with me. How can I even think about being with you if I know you are not happy with me. I must work on my confidence and just forget about my wrongs.

This is fucked up REALLY badly. My bad planning is bad. everything is bad.

see you

I'll be fine

You ain't got to tell me we can still be friends, i will be fine. Its better if don't speak at all......

What a good song, I can't lie to myself because I felt exactly like that for a while. Now all I am is confused for your past statements, are they irrelevant now? Can I peruse you or do you only see me as a good friend now and forever. What ever feeling is encircling me right now is like a bunch of butterflies are trying to trying to escape me, the tantalizing sensation is not new to me yet I just cannot adapt to it. Another question has also started appearing inside my head, do I want you because I am attracted to you? or because I only want a girlfriend? Is it the love that I want or is it the achievement. Truthfully, I do not have a sure answer for myself and because of that I feel like a horrible person.

The more I get to know you, the more I am attracted. You may not be the pinnacle of womanly beauty but in my eyes you are very beautiful. I probably made it painfully clear by jokingly calling you beautiful multiple times. I have my doubts because you seem too uncontrollable for me, in the perspective of a boy who prefers not to escape his familiar space. I know that its good to go out and explore all aspects of fun while I am young. I do remember the important things you tell me though, and I thoughtfully think about them before giving you an answer.

Truth, or lies?

Maybe I am asking too much of you, maybe its me that needs to change, maybe it is my fault. Yet, I cannot help but get mad because I feel that I am only an OPTION to you. Its as if anything is more important than me, maybe because you know I am weak from the earlier events which left me distraught and confused. Should I continue my pursue for you, are you worth my time and effort. Do you deserve to be loved at all?

bye for now